Wednesday 11 June 2014

Reconciliation

 Hello my little ugly dark side, it has been quite sometime since our last acquaintance, but my oh my, look how huge you get, you are not that little anymore, apparently you aren't following the same physiological restrictions as i do, apparently you can never stop growing. Well, good for you my hideous friend, and as always, bad for me. 

Since i came to the conclusion that i could never escape you, so i thought that i better accept you as a life long friend, and for that matter let me start by calling you "H" as a short of hideous now forth. 


Dear H, humans are dumb, they tend to forget too quickly, they tend to fool themselves that they are better than the others, they can make "it" work, they can learn from their mistakes and avoid them in the future, how dumb and ignorant is that!?

I think what we are as  humans is a bulk of a living mistakes, but we only notice and learn from our most outrageous and visible ones, so if you were lucky to be strong enough to tackle those mistakes, well, bravo, but you will remain miserable. Cause dear H, you can't change what you are made of, you can't be perfect. 

I have done some major troubles in the past, that affected my whole family, and i swore that i'll never cause that much pain to myself or to anybody else in my whole life, i swore that i'll give it all what i've got, and i did but apparently fate works in mysterious ways, as it looks like all the choices i made to make my family happy and proud are gonna bring them misery again, and i don't think either them or me can handle it this time. 

Dear H, dying alone don't looks as gloomy as it was in the past, or may be i am fooling myself to accustom it, as this probability is growing stronger by day. But i believe in God's justice, i believe that even if died alone, i will be compensated some how later in the afterlife, as i am a good guy, or am i?

Dear H, i feel helpless. 

Fighting for something is far more rewarding and less troubling than fighting for someone, i know you have once told me that before, but i got arrogant, i made myself forget, as after all i am a human, as dumb as them all. Don't give up on me man,keep reminding me,  as sadly you are my only refuge and 'let out' now. 



Monday 12 May 2014

The Physiology Of Amateur-ship.


Mystique, Thrill, anxiety, confusion, and most importantly Fear.
Those are the fundamentals of the first "anything" in life, those are the fundamentals of being amateur in any thing, these are the physiology of our life.

Because of the stupid rules of our universe, in order to reach the good side of nearly anything, you need first to go through and endure its shitty part. For you to be a skilled driver, you need to screw your car up in every possible way in your learning era, in order to have a good social life, you need to suffer quite sometime with people till you find true friends. if you want to be a good doctor, you will most definitely do some major errors (hopefully not so damaging) to the patients in you amateur days. To put it simply, you need withstand the shitty amateur beginning in order to reach a comfy beautiful professional life.

The same applies for your first fight with ur soul mate. At first you think you got it all, your brain waves are just resonating synchronously, nothing can ever get wrong, then something does, and all of a suddenly a surge of Anxiety and fear swamps your soul, you feel agitated, fragile, and scared as hell, "this is not what i signed up for!" you say. "i am in it to be happy not to fight, life is hard enough without this burden" you say. well, Wrong!.

Think of it not as a fight, think of it as an experience that molds your mind, that change it to be more resilient. an experience that brings u closer to your other half, an experience that will molds both of you into one, believe that this 1st fight is following God's way of running the universe, believe that this 1st fight is the way that will transform your relationship from amateur-ship to the 1st step of pro-ship :)

But before doing any of the above make sure that you got yourself a true soul mate that worth fighting your ego for , and thanks to God i know i do :).